Running: the Addictive Ugly Truth

Before today, I hadn't run in a week because my kids kindly shared their colds with me.  Coughing and running just don't get along so I sidelined myself until I could walk up the stairs without hacking.  Meanwhile, my training partner ran the Dallas Rock 'n' Roll Half Marathon on Sunday.  I sat at home awaiting updates, wishing I could run too, but even 1 mile would have been too much.

That got me thinking.  The last time I ran, my calves burned like I was literally giving birth again, but in all the wrong places.  Why do I miss this so much?  What exactly is the appeal and why am I aching to get back out there, pronto?

Marathon training has brought on a whole host of discomforts that I rarely experienced while running sub 13 miles.  And while all these ailments are hilariously painful or embarrassing, I miss them desperately...

1. Mangled Calves. Each week I think, oh man I can't do this.  "26.2 may be more than I can chew!" But then I complete the distance and change my running mantra to something more encouraging, "26.2 I'll get you!"  However, the instant I finished my 17 miler, my calves reared up in such tremendous pain my mantra screamed, "26.2 I freaking HATE you!" Stretching didn't work, walking didn't work.  It just hurt.  Monica, my faithful running buddy, informs me, "We need salt.  Next time, I will bring some salt packets and the pain will vanish instantly!"
2. Salt packets.  As if contracting pain in your calves isn't enough, a dedicated runner who wants to look like a real athelete and not a drunk person, who was thrown off of the electric bull at the local sports bar, has to eat a tablespoon of pure salt granules to stop writhing in pain.  Gross.
3. Peeing.  Port-a-potties are never conveniently located.  I've read that's why some girls wear running skirts as it provides instant privacy, but I know I would fail miserably and be left wearing my pee for 10 miles. 
4. Gu.  It tastes like flavored mucous.  I have yet to find a flavor I can take down in one or two solid gulps. 
5. Running Drunk.  Somewhere between miles 12-20, I loose the ability to think/walk straight.  It doesn't happen every time but the crooked walking gait, combined with slow processing speed are a dead give-away!
6. Exhaustion.  A couple of weekends ago, I ran 15 miles.  Exactly 45 minutes later I found myself in a Chuck E. Cheese's kids restaurant surrounded by bad pizza and screaming kids.  No distance produces enough endorphins to handle that. 
7. Running Knees. This is a new one for me.  I'm a relatively injury free runner.  But for a week, I joined the injured roster.  Walking down stairs was excruciating and I could only think, "Heal you stupid knees!  I need to run 8 tomorrow!"
8. Snot. Enough said.
9. Nasty feet.  I would love a pedicure, but I don't want to embarrass myself.  The bottoms of my feet are not pretty.  
10. Salt Face. After a long run, all the salt in my body somehow ends up on my face.  When I am done running, I wipe the sweat from my cheeks to be greeted with billions of fine salt granules.  
11. Chafing Anywhere. Thank goodness for Body Glide because there is nothing like showering after a long run and instantly discovering all the chaffed spots on my feet, back, chest, or legs with fire water!

After all that happy reminiscing, why am I giddy to run 18 miles this Saturday?  Running is a drug.  And ladies and gentlemen, I am addicted.  While some miles admittedly hurt, most miles I find myself grinning like a dog, lips flapping in the wind.

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