Some goodbyes are just not that easy

I eat healthy.  I take care of my body.  I avoid medications when possible.  I don't drink too much, I have never done drugs or smoked.  I run and exercise religiously.  I plan to not only see my great-grand kids run around my back yard, but I plan to run around with them.  I am made of tenacity, grit, and perseverance.  But my body is wearing down at age 30.  Or as my surgeon eloquently stated today, my "body is a tire and all of the tread has prematurely worn away."

Last Wednesday I had an Arthrogram MRI.  I walked into the imaging office thinking it would be like any other MRI.  They give you an IV which makes you feel warm inside, like you peed your pants, and send you through this tube for a few minutes which buzzes, clicks, and sends you on your way.  Easy.  When the technician sat down very solemnly next to me I was at a loss of words.  "Do you know what you are having done today?"

"Well, I did.  Until you got that look on your face..."

"Yeah, this isn't a normal MRI.  We can't just inject you with dye.  We have to inject the dye into the joint space of the affected area.  In order to do that we will have to inject you with a series of pain relievers and saline solution to separate the hip joint before applying the dye.  Once you're bone and joint are appropriately numbed, we can inject the imaging solution which we will use to enhance the MRI pictures."

"Okay, so you use a lot of needles in my groin area and it won't be pleasant."

"Yeah."

I revisited my surgeon today to go over the results of the pictures.  Here are his findings, "...a slightly elevated alpha angle of 57 is calculated and may be accompanied by a mild caliber broad-based 'bump'.  The majority of the anterosuperior quadrant segment of the acetabular labrum displays pathology, particularly along its inferior 2/3, suggesting prominent chondrolabral separation which may include a component of dissolution of the labral substance as the gap between these surfaces measures 3.5mm and exhibits degenerative signal and mild morphologic distortion..."

Let me translate: "Her hip hurts because the ball part of the hip socket (the femur) should be shaped like a sphere.  Hers is shaped like an egg.  We need to shave the bone down to make it the right shape.  Next, the nice slippery pillow of cartilage called the labrum that cushions the ball and socket joint are disintegrated.  Gone.  That is leaving a gap between the ball and socket that is about as wide as my cell phone.  This bone on bone rubbing is leaving a lot of gross debris.  She has significant osteoarthritis in the joint which will only get worse."

Here's the surgery in a non-graphic nutshell.  They will put my leg in a traction device that will separate my joints manually so that they can get their tools in there.  (AKA a torture devise used during the Spanish Inquisition.) Then the doctor inserts a camera through an incision so he can see my insides.  From there, they will cut more holes and take a piece of my IT band from my thigh and insert that as my new padding between my joints.  They will screw that into place in multiple areas and clean up their mess to make it look all nice and tidy.  The procedure takes about one hour to perform and 6 months to heal.

I won't be able to bear any weight on my right leg or drive for at least a month.  Four to six weeks after the procedure, I will have to learn how to walk again.  Stairs present an entirely different obstacle. 

I asked the doctor if this will allow me to resume running at my previous training routine and he said that was very doubtful.  Chances are my other hip socket is a ticking time bomb and the more impact I apply to the joint, the faster it will fail.  He said in 6 days of training, I could run maybe 1-2 days a week after a full recovery.  The other days will be spent weight lifting, swimming, biking, and using clumsy machines like the elliptical.

What if I say, "Screw it?  I don't want them to cut away my IT band and re-purpose it."  Simply walking in the near future will become very difficult.  I already have pain just driving my car and walking .25-.5 miles.  My hip clicks, catches, locks, aches, and stabs constantly.  At 30 years old, do I retire from an active life and give into the osteoarthritis that has already taken residence throughout my right hip?

I originally thought the surgery would be my opportunity to run another marathon.  Sadly, that ship has sailed.  The damage is much worse than I anticipated and the recovery much harder.   I'm crushed.  I have unfinished business.  Before the Colfax Marathon #2, before my hip joint gave up, I was in the best shape of my life.  I was so strong and getting faster every day.  I was ready to try to qualify for Boston.  At this point I will be lucky if I can run a quality 10k again.  I've spent the last 10 weeks really analyzing my priorities.  I didn't know how much running contributed to my happiness and sanity until it was taken away.

When I fall asleep for my surgery I want a positive image in my head, a tangible goal.  My doctors have all warned me the recovery will be difficult.  I need something to hold onto to get me through this.  I thought that image would be qualifying for the Boston Marathon.  Now, I don't know what it is.  Maybe I can train for a triathlon next summer.  Hopefully I can go sledding with my boys this winter.  The down time, rest, and rebuilding of my muscles will offer me a lot of time to priortize.

I think the worst part, the scariest thing that I struggle with the most is how much this will affect my kids.  Running isn't most important.  Walking my boys to school everyday is.  



~Roadburner

20 Days No Sugar Stronger

I like simple experiments.  If it can improve my body, healing capabilities, energy, or mood, I am all about giving it a try.  While working through the Orton, Cool Impossible training schedule I decided to take on his entire mindset for training.  Eric Orton is a firm believer that we eat too many processed sugars.  They are addictive, unhealthy, and hard for our bodies to process.  Instead of filling up on quality fruits, vegetables, and lean proteins, our guts are distracted trying to break down these over processed carbohydrates, which in turn blocks quality nutrients from reaching our muscle fibers. Perhaps eating a fresher, less sugary diet will help heal my injured groin muscles and make me a leaner runner.  If nothing else, eating 3 weeks of fresh food can't hurt.

Don't get me wrong, I don't like labeled diets.  I like to eat what sounds appealing and I could never subscribe to a diet that told me exactly what to eat on a daily basis.  Also, I already eat clean, choosing organic fruits and vegetables when available/affordable, and I only offer my family a balanced diet throughout the day with lots of fresh food and lean proteins.  We don't eat a lot of processed fats or snacks so I thought this would be an easy experiment.  Orton asks readers to try cutting out all processed sugars for 20 days.  That's it.  If I don't like or notice the changes in my body after 20 days I can return to my normal diet.  Twenty days is nothing.

Today is Day 1.  I blew it with breakfast as I ate a yogurt parfait with berries and granola.  Yogurt has a ton of sugar, even the vanilla stuff, and granola is saturated with sugar.  Oops.  So lesson learned.  I need to plan ahead, looking at labels closer.  The experiment officially started after breakfast.  (Tomorrow I'll stick with an egg on a corn tortilla and fresh salsa with a side of cantaloupe or orange slices.) 

Later I took my boys to the grocery store wanting more fruit and veggies for the week, along with some other snacks that would satiate.  We love granola bars around here - those are out of the question until July 28.  I was floored to find how much sugar is in beef jerkey!  It's dried meat for God's sake!  Basic bread is a refined sugar pit.  Crackers are a no go.  Cereal, even the "healthy stuff" on high shelves, taunted me.  Juices would serve a hummingbird appropriately.  Pastas and sauces won't work either.  Pretty much everything fun contained in the main isles are out of the option.  But corn tortillas, guacamole, and hummus are great, and nuts work too.  That might get old, so I will have to get creative.

Because I couldn't grab for my granola bar at snack time, I ate a ton of fruit and some carrots with hummus instead.  For lunch I had a whole grain flax and chia seed bread with smoked salmon and a large spinach salad with almonds and vinegar.  Not a bad start.


~Roadburner

Change is in the Glutes

The last nine weeks following the Colfax Marathon, I've spent healing my injured hip and groin muscles.  All of my momentum steered towards the REVEL Denver Marathon on August 17.  And while my hip and groin are slowly improving, I can't handle more than 5 miles each day.  Each week I hope I can build the miles but then that finicky pain sneaks its way back into my core and I remain humbled.  Today I decided to be realistic and I dropped out.  REVEL has the best refund policy I know and I only took a $10 hit in the end.  Honestly, I am disappointed and mad at my body but I need to move forward.

For over a month I've seen a physical therapist twice a week.  Simply put, I have a weak butt.  My core, leg, and arm muscles are quite strong, but my glutes haven't been holding their end of the weight.  Apparently, the gluteus medius should do most of the heavy lifting, staying activated throughout my stride.  Instead it sits there, a roadblock to an efficient gait.  My form suffered from this unbalanced muscle mass and injury resulted.  Everyday I do 30+ minutes of gluteal strength exercises, which leave my tush feeling weak and sore.  The strength is coming back, now I need to fix my form that fell apart over the last few years.

Through my physical therapist's guidance, I've sought the help of both the Chi Running method and Eric Orton's, Cool Impossible.  Essentially, when attacking a hill or when my body gets fatigued, I slump at the hips.  I don't bring my driving (bent) leg forward and up high enough to propel myself with adequate power.  Finally, I don't let my striking leg (the one making contact with the ground), straighten quite enough with each stride to gain full power.  I already run on my forefoot, which is good, but fixing these three major issues would give me a more upright posture, no matter the terrain, engage my gluteal muscles constantly which would enlist the aid of my core muscles, and would no longer ask my hip flexors to stabilize the stride which keeps resulting in pain and tightness. 

Now that I know what is wrong with me, I need to fix it.  I told my physical therapist, Kevin, on day one that I wanted to fix whatever problems I had from the ground up.  I don't want to end up back in his office again in a few months with new ailments.  Throughout my previous marathon training program, I suffered with major tendonitis in my right shin which always pointed to a problem, but I didn't take the time to correct because I feared starting over.

Here, I am.  I am starting over.  The first step is strength training.  Eric Orton has an amazing list of strength training exercises using a balance disk, slant board, and a fitness ball.  Each activity looks easy, but they are not.  A lot of my smaller muscles are weak, all the way down to my big toe.  Strengthening those pieces will stabilize my entire body, which is exactly what I need.  I've also taken on his training schedule transitioning to an upright running stance, complete with warm-ups every day.  I may look like a fool skipping down the street with very high knees, but these simple warm-ups are extremely effective at retraining my muscles how to run.

I don't run with music anymore.  I will once I retrain my body to run efficiently, but until then I need to be focused and I can't listen to my body when I am singing along to Foster the People.  Since I started this new regimen, I take constant body checks.  "Head up and straight ahead, hips in line with shoulders and knee, abs and glutes active, straighter leg pushing off ground, activate calves, drive forward and up with knee, land soft.  Strength is in control and power.  Strength is finesse."  Running up hills I maintain a higher posture and breathe easier.  Certain muscles fatigue faster now, especially my butt, which proves it is working.  I stop running before my body becomes overly tired and I loose form.  Usually this is about 4-5 miles a day.

Each week I feel slightly stronger, a little faster, and I worry about my hips less.  This injury slowed down my training.  For the first time ever, I dropped out of a race.  It's been emotionally taxing and more frustrating than I can describe.  However, it's forced me to stand back and examine my goals, both long and short term.  I've learned about my body's muscle systems and how to use them more efficiently.  I've started strength training daily and swimming multiple times a week, making me stronger, more patient, and most of all, I've proven to myself that I am brave enough to address my faults, even if that means taking a few steps backward.


~Roadburner