There are numerous things that I expected during the first few weeks recovering from my surgery. I knew I would miss running. Shoot, I've missed running since June. The pang of needing to push the strength of my lungs, stretch my legs, and feel invigorated on the trails is something I will never break free from. I need to run. I miss it dearly. But because I expected to long for it, I haven't been surprised by its lengthy absence.
I expected immobility. I knew waddling to the bathroom in the middle of the night, crutches in hand would be laborious. Obviously, all the machines and bandages would scare the crap out of my kids. I also expected boredom, and draining my brain from endless hours of television. I expected intense, indelible pain and relief from multiple pain killers.
I didn't have a clue. I don't miss running, I miss burning off steam. If given the opportunity, I would enjoy an intense finger aerobics class. Oh, and who would have guessed how much I would miss swimming? Somehow I found a home in the pool during the summer and I long to immerse my sore hip in the cold water. Three weeks left until I can swim a few laps, I can't wait. My physical therapist lets me ride a stationary bike for 15 minutes each week. I treasure those moments when I raise my heart rate to 95 bpm. Instead of watching the clock waiting for it to end, I smile and hold onto the effort. I don't work up a sweat, but I am moving. Sort of.
Cutting through my leg muscles combined with only being allowed out of bed for 2 hours a day leaves major side effects. My right quadracep is Jello. It isn't rounded and strong anymore. When
I flex the muscle it wiggles and I can poke straight through to the bone. However feeling weight on the bottoms of my heels feels wonderful. I learned to stand unassisted on both legs the other day. I practiced for 30 minutes starring in a mirror on how to balance my weight evenly 50% per leg, and when I figured out how to no longer lean to the left, I was elated! "Yes, I can stand up! I am getting somewhere."
Recovery presents an amazing dichotomy. In one hand, I have never felt so lifted and held up by my family and friends. Close friends and relatives cooked for us so much so that I still have frozen meals in my freezer to last another week! A couple friends brought me lunch in bed and sat bedside filling me in on gossip. Randall took over a week off work to focus on me and the kids. My mom flew in this week to help with the kids and spent nap time with me watching TV and talking. My in-laws have been here every chance they get. Flowers grace my tables and everyday I get multiple messages checking on me. "How are you feeling, do you need anything?" How did I get so lucky? I feel unbelievably loved.
On the other hand I've never felt so lonely. The first two weeks are very isolating, spending hours in bed, alone. I heard my kids laughing and playing downstairs and I couldn't join them. When my husband was off work, he was amazing. He brought me food and changed out my ice packs. He stretched out my legs and held me up so that I could bathe or brush my teeth. But it wasn't our normal contact. I was a patient, he was my nurse. I miss cuddling with him and our active playful banter.
I had no idea how much I would miss bath time routines and walking my boys to and from school. Normally I show up to school early so that I can talk with the other parents for 15 minutes. I need to be around people. As a family, we never just stay home. I take my boys to recreation centers, museums, and parks where I play with my kids and converse with other moms. I am always on the go. I didn't expect how severe the boredom would be.
This Wednesday I went back to my surgeon, who removed my stitches and took new x-rays. The top of my femur (the ball part of the hip socket) looks like someone took a bite out of an apple. There is a lot of bone missing. It seriously should hurt more than it does! I told my doctor thanks for not letting this be as painful as it could have been. He laughed and said, "Thanks for having low expectations of me." I took major pain pills for the first week, but the side effects of those things are NOT worth it. My stomach was officially corked. So I've been off narcotics and dealing with the pain on my own. It isn't as bad as I thought. It pinches and aches. But it isn't excruciating anymore.
My doctor said now that I've made it to the two week point, I can be up more. I can do my 10 hours in the continuous passive motion (CPM) machine at night and spend more time with my kids. "If it hurts, don't do it. Don't fall. Don't trip. Don't do anything stupid for at least 18 weeks. If you get sore at night or the next day, you did too much. Slow down, but you are free to be up and about. Rest when you are tired. No driving for a few more weeks, but you may walk using crutches. Do NOT take off your brace."
I've never heard more beautiful words! I AM OUT OF MY BED!!!!!!
~Roadburner
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