Starting Over

I've been on a downward spiral lately, mentally and physically.  Every time I return from a physical therapy appointment or a visit with my doctor, I receive negative news.  While the first 3 months post operation were filled with fuzzy bunnies and progressive healing, the last 3 have been plagued with doubt and regression.  One week I'm told, "Hang in there.  In another month you should be able to try running again."  The next week we discover my range of motion is even worse and my pain now tripled.  The next thing I would hear sounded like this, "We don't know what is causing your inflammation to continue.  We can try another round of anti-inflammatories if you want.  You know, running just may not be an option for you anymore.  Try not to do anything that upsets the joint, including walking or biking.  It's time to scale way back." 

Honestly, I'm mostly at peace with the idea of not running so much again.  (Don't get me wrong, the thing I crave most right now is a 16 mile effort, but I can't focus on that, it doesn't help.)  However, being told the only way to heal is through taking endless amounts of stomach lacerating pills and not using my legs, made me feel like I was drowning.  My limbs were not amputated!  I still have full functionality of my parts.  They just hurt when I use them.  Not walking is not an option.

I want my life back. 

Last Thursday I was given two options.  The first was to get a cortisone injection in my right hip joint, hoping to reduce the inflammation.  My latest round of oral anti-inflammatory meds helped, but not enough.  When I walk more than a half mile, my hip flexors become miserable.  So the second option was to ride this out for however long it may take, hoping my hip stops hurting in the next year or two.  I came home completely defeated.  Hip arthoscopy was supposed to be a 4-6 month recovery.  "You'll be running again by Christmas.  It is not too much to think you can't run another marathon next May..." Now this could be a 2 year recovery, just to be able to walk normally again?  

Not liking my choices, I decided to go for a second opinion.  Today, I met with my original physical therapist who diagnosed me 9 months ago, without MRI or Xray.  I trust him tremendously.  After working with my range of motion and strength for an hour, he found a few stretches that he thinks will relieve my hip pain.  I told him swimming makes all the difference in the world and he said that's because it's an extension exercise.  So he prescribed a series of stretches to perform every other waking hour for the next 6 days.  He believes we can reduce my inflammation and return my range of motion back to normal in the next few weeks, without using any anti-inflammatory drugs!

I was on the right track with swimming and he warned against stopping my 1-2 miles each day in the pool.  My body literally craves the water and that one element may make the difference between a full recovery and a limited one.  If we can get the pain and inflammation down in the next few weeks, we will start rebuilding my strength slowly and progress to biking again.  He told me not to stop walking.  That too is an extension exercise and it will provide really nice information on whether these stretches help or not.  In the next 2-3 weeks, I should be able to walk one mile without pain.  He believed it very possible; I needed that boost in faith. 


~Roadburner

Forget the Experts - I'm Goin' Solo

One month ago, my surgeon told me to run.  However, my defiant body doesn't give a crap what a doctor says.  I tried it three times, each a week apart, and only for one mile of running/walking.  My hips were so sore the day afterwards, I decided it wasn't worth trying again for at least a month.  This last month challenged my mind more than my body.  What's gotten sincerely old is everyone telling me, "Be patient, you're healing.  It will happen."  Never seeing dividends after the investment especially at the promised points along the calendar infuriated me.  Each week, my surgeon and physical therapist became more and more surprised as to how my range of motion keeps decreasing and the entire area remains inflamed. 

No, I am not doing too much.  I followed the instructions of the experts very closely.  I've taken this healing very personally and I've listened to my body more in the last 4 months than I have in my entire life.  I find it funny that nobody comments on someone's training regimen until they get hurt.  And once that person is injured, it's time to throw it their face, reminding them often they did this to themselves.  Suddenly, everyone and their mother is an expert on your healing and knows what's best, because you've clearly lost the ability to think for yourself.  (You're injured, remember?) 

I've learned that exercise is a large part of my identity and onlookers reminding me to be patient, or hang in there, is as condescending as telling a child not to play.  Exercise is how I relax and stay stable.  Not being able to sweat for a extended length of time is frustrating and excruciating.  I love running, but I've learned to adapt and take on new activities.  To me, that is the absolute definition of perseverance... patience.

Two weeks ago, I decided to say, "Forget the experts.  It's my body."  Clearly what they tell me, doesn't work.  For four months I've focused my attention to spinning on a stationary bike.  Some days it feels really good.  Others, I can't walk my kids to school after the workout.  I lay awake at night in pain.  It's a dull ache that slowly builds throughout the night like that annoying princess and her damn pea.  Now I'm that complaining brat, who survives off a few moments rest each night.  Damn.

Last June, I decided to learn to swim freestyle.  The first time in the pool I looked like a drowning chicken, so I enrolled in a private swim lesson to teach me the basics and hopefully a starting point. 

I survived the humiliation and came out with hoards of advice.  Seven months later, I still drop my arm a bit when I breathe from the opposite side.  I am slower than most taking 20 minutes to cover a half mile, but I've been persistent and I've improved.  I'm comfortable in the water and can breathe from either side.  My pool workouts are becoming less cardio efforts, and more of a sustained fat burn. 
 

After my private lesson everyone looked around to see if there was someone ready to drive me home.  I couldn't understand why until I realized they saw the entire lesson on the waiting room television.

Swimming doesn't hurt.  So for two weeks I've dedicated myself to swimming 4 days each week for only 30 minutes.  I wanted to get out of the pool feeling refreshed, not exhausted, and leave on a good note.  The days where I stay in the water for 60+ minutes, I usually fumble out of the side of the pool almost smacking my chin against the concrete lip.  Part of listening to my body is not exhausting it, but building strength.  It's a balance I've needed for a while.

Instead of doing my strength exercises 3-4 times a week, I complete the routine only twice.  I continue to roll out my IT Bands, hip flexors, and glutes nightly.  For the first time in 4 months, I haven't hurt at all for 48 hours!  I feel good.  I walked my son home from school today and that familiar pull and instability in my groin wasn't there.  Hopefully I'm swimming in the right direction.


~Roadburner

     

Plastic Surgery Barbie

So get this, my insurance company is refusing to pay for my arthroscopic hip surgery because they labeled it "plastic surgery."  Apparently, when a surgeon grinds down a significant patch of bone on your body they can get away with this classification, no matter where that patch is located.  I guess I now have the luscious curves that would render any female instantly jealous.  Take that Barbie. 

It doesn't matter that they openly paid for 6 months of physical therapy, MRIs, X-Rays, drugs (and lots of them), anesthesia, braces, post operative machinery, cooling units, nurses, an overnight hospital stay...  Oh, the list goes on.  They paid for the screws in my hip, but not the drill to apply them.  Yup, that makes perfect sense.

I keep thinking of the Incredibles.  You know that scene when Mr. Incredible is having his backside handed to him because he isn't rejecting enough legitimate claims?  Cheers to you Mr. Incredible and your short little maniacal boss.  We are changing the world one claim at a time.

Obviously, I'm not fighting the notion that my operation was plastic surgery.  Alternatively, I'm sending them multiple before and after pictures of my lovely hips, to thank them for my new status upgrade.  I am sure they will love the trendy scars that grace the front of my leg.  They are seductive.  I can see this sort of thing totally taking off throughout Europe.  The nice bump of scar tissue that I massage every night only adds to my provocative new curves, a mouth-watering appeal for every young man who gawks at my hips, wide-eyed at the rec-center pool.  

In fact, I'm thoroughly flattered they think I finally personify the "perfect female."  It's definitely time to give the other side a whirl.  I wouldn't want this hippy beauty to be asymmetrical...


~Roadburner

Shubeez some Motivation

Six weeks post operation checkup.  I laid down on the examination table waiting for my surgeon to flex my leg in multiple directions.  The movement was painful, but I expected as much since my physical therapist checks my range of motion every Thursday morning.  When he moved my knee upwards and away from my hip I cringed.  "Wow, Jen.  Seriously.  You look amazing!  How is it possible that your range of motion is this good?  You are six weeks into a six month recovery, but I would swear you were a month further at least."  I starred at him struggling with the idea that my range of motion was that good.  When people twist the joint, it feels like they are tearing my joint away from the flesh.  Next he pushed against my knee at different angles and told me to resist the pressure.  "You have been working hard.  There is no doubt about that.  I don't need to ask you if you are following your physical therapy plan.  You are strong; unbelievably strong."

Then he pointed at my shoes and laughed.  My friend Monica gave me "Shubeez" for my laces almost a year ago.  I have one for each foot, 26.2 and Boston.  Running Boston has always been a goal and wearing these simple reminders on my laces have provided just enough motivation over the past year.  Insecure, I commented on his gesture, "Is that dumb?  I clearly haven't learned my lesson."

"Learned your lesson?  I hope you have learned your lesson.  You are working incredibly hard and I hope that you have found new motivation.  Don't count yourself short.  You have a long athletic road ahead of you.  There have been no setbacks.  The surgery went better than we could have expected, and you are healing like a champ.  There is absolutely no reason to think you can't run marathons again, and this time, you are going to Boston!"  My surgeon smiled.

"So it isn't overzealous that I have a race scheduled for this May?  I just haven't found the heart to ask for a refund yet."

"Nope.  You will be ready.  And this time you will be stronger than ever before.  I know that for a fact because it is only my elite athletes who heal this well."

I walked out of his office with a new sense of confidence.  My smile radiated throughout the building.  He was right.  I've earned a new level of motivation from this experience.  Each day is a new accomplishment based on the perseverance and patience of the day before.

Day 1, Smile.  Keep my sense of humor.  Learn to go potty without help.  Stay on passive motion machine and calf squeezing machine 24/7.

Week 1, Rest, stretch, and stay calm.  Continue using machines.

Week 2, Ride a stationary bike with no resistance everyday, slowly.

Week 3, Learn to stand up without help while spreading 50% of my weight on each leg.

Week 4, Loose the crutches, brace, and machines.  Get back in the pool twice a week for 20 minutes.  Start lifting free weights.

Week 5, Walk my kids to school at least one way everyday.  Start adding a little resistance to the stationary bike increasing the time from 15 minutes to 30. 

Week 6, Pump up the resistance on the bike, increase the time to 45 minutes, and add more strength exercises to my right leg.

Slowly, I am getting stronger.  I tire quickly but I embrace the work like never before.  As lactic acid builds in my quads and glutes, I don't pull back.  I breathe in deeply and I envision how desperately I miss running, how devastated I felt after being told I had the hip of an 80 year old woman and I may never be able to run again.  I listen to my body much closer, resting, icing, massaging when necessary.  I alter my exercise routine constantly to create more balanced muscles.  My scars aren't pretty but they are a wonderful reminder of who I am.  I went from being told I may never run again, especially distance events, to being told the best is yet to come.  Yes doctor, that new motivation is profound.  


~Roadburner