I eat healthy. I take care of my body. I avoid medications when possible. I don't drink too much, I have never done drugs or smoked. I run and exercise religiously. I plan to not only see my great-grand kids run around my back yard, but I plan to run around with them. I am made of tenacity, grit, and perseverance. But my body is wearing down at age 30. Or as my surgeon eloquently stated today, my "body is a tire and all of the tread has prematurely worn away."
Last Wednesday I had an Arthrogram MRI. I walked into the imaging office thinking it would be like any other MRI. They give you an IV which makes you feel warm inside, like you peed your pants, and send you through this tube for a few minutes which buzzes, clicks, and sends you on your way. Easy. When the technician sat down very solemnly next to me I was at a loss of words. "Do you know what you are having done today?"
"Well, I did. Until you got that look on your face..."
"Yeah, this isn't a normal MRI. We can't just inject you with dye. We have to inject the dye into the joint space of the affected area. In order to do that we will have to inject you with a series of pain relievers and saline solution to separate the hip joint before applying the dye. Once you're bone and joint are appropriately numbed, we can inject the imaging solution which we will use to enhance the MRI pictures."
"Okay, so you use a lot of needles in my groin area and it won't be pleasant."
"Yeah."
I revisited my surgeon today to go over the results of the pictures. Here are his findings, "...a slightly elevated alpha angle of 57 is calculated and may be accompanied by a mild caliber broad-based 'bump'. The majority of the anterosuperior quadrant segment of the acetabular labrum displays pathology, particularly along its inferior 2/3, suggesting prominent chondrolabral separation which may include a component of dissolution of the labral substance as the gap between these surfaces measures 3.5mm and exhibits degenerative signal and mild morphologic distortion..."
Let me translate: "Her hip hurts because the ball part of the hip socket (the femur) should be shaped like a sphere. Hers is shaped like an egg. We need to shave the bone down to make it the right shape. Next, the nice slippery pillow of cartilage called the labrum that cushions the ball and socket joint are disintegrated. Gone. That is leaving a gap between the ball and socket that is about as wide as my cell phone. This bone on bone rubbing is leaving a lot of gross debris. She has significant osteoarthritis in the joint which will only get worse."
Here's the surgery in a non-graphic nutshell. They will put my leg in a traction device that will separate my joints manually so that they can get their tools in there. (AKA a torture devise used during the Spanish Inquisition.) Then the doctor inserts a camera through an incision so he can see my insides. From there, they will cut more holes and take a piece of my IT band from my thigh and insert that as my new padding between my joints. They will screw that into place in multiple areas and clean up their mess to make it look all nice and tidy. The procedure takes about one hour to perform and 6 months to heal.
I won't be able to bear any weight on my right leg or drive for at least a month. Four to six weeks after the procedure, I will have to learn how to walk again. Stairs present an entirely different obstacle.
I asked the doctor if this will allow me to resume running at my previous training routine and he said that was very doubtful. Chances are my other hip socket is a ticking time bomb and the more impact I apply to the joint, the faster it will fail. He said in 6 days of training, I could run maybe 1-2 days a week after a full recovery. The other days will be spent weight lifting, swimming, biking, and using clumsy machines like the elliptical.
What if I say, "Screw it? I don't want them to cut away my IT band and re-purpose it." Simply walking in the near future will become very difficult. I already have pain just driving my car and walking .25-.5 miles. My hip clicks, catches, locks, aches, and stabs constantly. At 30 years old, do I retire from an active life and give into the osteoarthritis that has already taken residence throughout my right hip?
I originally thought the surgery would be my opportunity to run another marathon. Sadly, that ship has sailed. The damage is much worse than I anticipated and the recovery much harder. I'm crushed. I have unfinished business. Before the Colfax Marathon #2, before my hip joint gave up, I was in the best shape of my life. I was so strong and getting faster every day. I was ready to try to qualify for Boston. At this point I will be lucky if I can run a quality 10k again. I've spent the last 10 weeks really analyzing my priorities. I didn't know how much running contributed to my happiness and sanity until it was taken away.
When I fall asleep for my surgery I want a positive image in my head, a tangible goal. My doctors have all warned me the recovery will be difficult. I need something to hold onto to get me through this. I thought that image would be qualifying for the Boston Marathon. Now, I don't know what it is. Maybe I can train for a triathlon next summer. Hopefully I can go sledding with my boys this winter. The down time, rest, and rebuilding of my muscles will offer me a lot of time to priortize.
I think the worst part, the scariest thing that I struggle with the most is how much this will affect my kids. Running isn't most important. Walking my boys to school everyday is.
~Roadburner
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